did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So many bounce houses so little time
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
