I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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