Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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