So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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