Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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