Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
