You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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