remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
