The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You smell like stripper and shame
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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