Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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