The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
