Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
