That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
