Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
