I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
