I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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