First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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