Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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