he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
