Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
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Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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