Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
