Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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