I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
