At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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