Me too!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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