I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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