Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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