then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
