I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
