shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
