did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
