I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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