i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize