You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
