having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
