i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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