Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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