how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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