tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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