I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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