Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
