I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
