the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
