I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
