Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
