When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
