Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
