I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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