don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
