Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
