I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
