addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bring me that man meat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
