Yo dont text me then not text me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize