I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
