You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
