we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
