He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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