hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
