omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
