You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
