Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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