I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
