Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i need some magic done to my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
