so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
