Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
