I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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