I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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