So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
