He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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