i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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