What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
