You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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