It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
