im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
