We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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